Jupiter Ascending!

Yep, it’s here. I’ve been looking forward to this for awhile, and now that it’s here I’m doing a bit of a pee-pee dance of excitement. The Wachowski’s haven’t done much since The Matrix that has really hit home with me, but I’m looking forward to Jupiter Ascending for one reason alone:

Wait… what the hell? Where did this come from?

*checks notes*

I meant to say the CGI. Forget that whole Channing Tatum nonsense. (Seriously though, what’s up with the Spock ears?)

Anyways, back on topic: if the trailer is any indication, the special effects in Jupiter Ascending look phenomenal. I’m a sucker, through and through, for a visually appealing action adventure movie. It’s not my fault, I’m a thirty-something red-blooded American male raised on a steady diet of Mcdonald’s and Starbucks–which is to say: I’m shallow and like shiny things.

And boy, oh boy, does Jupiter Ascending look shiny.

The story seems juuuust interesting enough to pull me in, depending on how they handle it. Unfortunately, judging by some early reviews, it seems like maybe I’ll be in for a disappointment on this front. But hey, that’s okay, ’cause remember, space ships and things that go boom! Like a Michael Bay film… in space.

Oh, wait… Michael Bay’s already done space? When?

This movie could stand to have less Ben Affleck and more Aerosmith. Just saying. Everything else? Michael Clarke Duncan? Perfect. Steve Buscemi? Delicious. Liv Tyler? Ehh………….

Anyhoo, have any of you fine folks glimpsed Jupiter Ascending yet? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Give it to me hard, I can handle the truth. Shall my hopes be crushed by a story-line with more plot holes than swiss cheese? Or will Jackie… err, I mean, Mila Kunis carry the day?!

Anthony