Pacific Rim

Couple summers back I saw previews for Pacific Rim which coincided a bit too closely with the release of Transformers, which was definitely too close to Transmorphers (don’t know what that is? Netflix that shit. Pure cinematic gold) for my tastes. Enormous human driven mech’s fighting gargantuan monsters from a different dimension in the ocean? It seemed like a pretty dubious starting point. Add to the mix that I’ve never really gone in for the Godzilla/King Kong massive monster destroying uber-city of your choice plot line, and I was skeptical enough to stay away for quite a while.

Transmorphers! Yeah, Buddy!

Now, recently, somebody who shall remain nameless, but who’s taste in sci-fi is one I respect, kept telling me how awesome Pacific Rim is. Honestly, I thought they were dicking with me. It didn’t seem so far fetched that next they would try selling me on some cheap beach-side real estate in Florida.
‘Cause swamps totally count as beach-side, right?
Well, after seeing Pacific Rim, I’m not so sure I want to be anywhere near the ocean ever again.
So, I bit the bullet, made some delicious home-made pizza that totally didn’t give me food poisoning which is only slightly more surprising than the fact that I actually enjoyed Pacific Rim.
I know, I hate myself for it.
Anyways, I love pretty much everything else Guillermo Del Toro has directed, so I figured it couldn’t be a complete waste.
First thing you’ll really notice about Pacific Rim is that they didn’t skimp on the CGI budget. The kaiju’s (read: big beasts) are each unique, bad-ass, and scary-as-hell. The jaegers—what the movie refers to their mechs’—are nothing special, but they are a step up from Megazord in the Power Rangers, so I consider that a win.
Second thing you’ll notice is that the science in this movie hasn’t been thought through very well. They introduce some awesome concepts, but then intentionally water them down with really arbitrary caveats. Such as, it takes two pilots to “mind drift”—effectively they link minds—to move these hulking bits of metal around.

God we look good when we’re synchronized!

Each pilot is in charge of one “hemisphere” of the machines supposed brain, so one guy is in control of the right arm and leg, the other guy man’s the left.

This is downright silly. Ok, you suspend your disbelief long enough to accept the fact that they have the technology to link minds and manufacture jaegers the size of skyscrapers, but somehow they can’t come up with a better way to pilot these damn things? I mean, shit, give one guy the legs, the other guy the arms.
Have you ever done the three legged walk with a buddy at your dad’s company picnic? Yeah, well imagine that, but trying to fight a roid-raging monster from a different dimension, and you’re gonna be clumsy as fuck.
Anyhow, let’s look past that. We’ll even look past the part where one of the kaiju’s releases an EMP which shuts down all the other jaegers except our heros because, get this, their analog. They’re engine is nuclear.
Never-mind all the electronics we see on a near constant basis in the cockpit. I’m sure those are all analog, too.
But seriously, whoever came up with that should be publicly shamed. Just lazy writing.
Ok, let’s look past that, too. Surprisingly for all the plot holes and lazy writing throughout the story, the part that had me pulling my hair was when at the end of the movie one of our main character jumps into the ocean with her full-metal suit that must way a metric-shit-ton, and swims to her partner.
Have you ever tried swimming with shoes on? That’s hard enough. Ever done it with metal shoes? And shoulder pads? And the equivalent of a large child actively trying to drown you?
Well, if you haven’t, allow me to inform you how impossible that simple act most assuredly was.
If you’ve read this far, you’re probably getting the impression that I really disliked the movie, which if you read the beginning of this rant, you’ll realize is not the case.
Despite the movie’s really liberal use of science and physics, it was actually a really fun movie. The action was fun, the fight scenes great, and ya know, all things told, the acting could have been worse. If you like mindless action with really pretty things going boom, (pretty much I’m saying if you like any Michael Bay movie) then you’ll probably get a kick out of this. I mean, come on, Godzilla isn’t exactly sound science, and that’s entertaining as hell.
Just don’t look too deep, otherwise the gaping plot holes will suck you in.

Let me leave you with something pretty awesome. If you’re into kaiju, which I’m assuming you are if you’ve bothered to read this far. There was a great anthology that came out a little ways back called Kaiju Rising: Age of Monsters that a buddy of my Peter Stenson wrote a hilarious story for. If you’re looking for a bunch of awesome, diverse stories, you should definitely check it out.

Anthony Vicino